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Saturday April 17th, 2010, Sydney, Australia.

Our last day in Australia. We are given a tour of the city which included Botany Bay where the first white settlers landed. A nice, small, sheltered bay with beautiful yellow coloured sand beaches.

After this we are driven to the departure point and board our ship, Holland America Line the "Volendam" shortly after 2:00 pm. The ship was built in 2000, is 785 ft. long, 106 ft. wide, has a draft of 26 ft. weighs 63,000 tons, has 18 decks, 12 elevators, 18 public rooms, carries 1440 passengers, and a crew of 620. Phew – now you know! We have an outside stateroom on the Main Deck #2536. It is quite spacious and very comfortable with a large window. We spend the night in Sydney Harbour and have a full day to do some last minute sight seeing and of course shopping.

We depart Sydney Australia on Sunday, 18th day of April 2010 shortly after 5:00 pm. The sun was just setting on the horizon, a large orange glowing ball, quite effective. Made for a fantastic background for our last view of the city. We pass the famous Sydney Opera House and head out to sea. A small sailboat floats alongside the ship flying the Canadian and British Columbia flags. It received a very loud reception from the 290 Canadians on-board. And if you're interested, here is a list of the nationalities on board:

Australia 399

United States 348

Canada 290

Germany 204

United Kingdom 42

New Zealand 22

Netherland 17

Austria 13

Switzerland 11

Argentinian 4

Spain 4

Italy 3

Ireland 2

South Africa 2

Sweden 2

Denmark 1

Fiji 1

France 1

Israel 1

for a total of 1367 passengers. The crew is from the four corners of the earth, but mostly appear of Asian origin. The captain, of course, is from Holland.

We spend the next two days at sea which gives as an excellent opportunity to explore the ship and all it has to offer. There is one large restaurant on deck, cafeteria style which offers menus from a lot of different cultures. American fare, hamburgers, hot dogs, and the usual fast food stuff, Italian cuisine, Asian, salad bar, fruit bar, Polish sausage with sauerkraut – hmm, hmm – delicious, ice creams of very taste and colour, sandwiches, deserts, etc., etc. Easy to get carried away here, and some of these 300+ #'s on board are taking full advantage of what's being offered. Haven't seen so many big people in a long time. And it's not just the males, a lot of the ladies are just as – well you know what I mean. Don't know how they can fit in these shower stalls, or use the toilet facilities. But that's their problem. In addition there are three main restaurants, who serve very reasonable portions, of a variety of meals, as well as a number of bars that cater to the latte crowd. Oh yes, and for you who indulge in the nectar of the gods stuff, there are a few bars where you can purchase a shot of vintage cognac for a reasonable $110.00 for one ounce.

A good selection of wines is available through out the ship, ranging in price from $22.00 to several $$$. Or you can do what we did, buy a bucket of beer, you get 5 bottles or cans for the price of four. They also offer a discount on your wines if you purchase a minimum of 7 bottles. Seeing as how we'll be on-board for 26 days, we took advantage of both offers. An ice cold beer with lunch is a must in this hot, tropical climate. The water is safe to drink but highly chlorinated. Bad for your innards. Beer and wine are a much better choice. And before I forget, they add an automatic 15% gratuity on all liquor purchases even though you get it yourself from the bar. This is in addition to the daily $11.00 per person gratuity that's added to your bill at the end of your trip.

You can do as much or as little as you wish. They offer just about anything you can think of, a full gym, outdoor activities like basketball or tennis, messages of every sort, facials, toe nail clipping, computer lessons, etc., etc. There is an Internet cafe, however the prices are astronomical and the reception rather spotty. For starters they charge a flat $3.95 “access fee”. After that it's 75 cents a minute whether you use your own computer or one of theirs. And it doesn't matter if you have to wait for 10 or 15 minutes before you get a connection, the clock keeps on running and you are charged for that time as well.

There is live nightly entertainment in the large theatre, first run movies in the movie theatre (free popcorn too) musician playing in every bar. Or if you prefer the quiet life, the pools are warm and inviting, and deck chairs are there for a quiet, restful snooze or finishing that book you started to read seven years ago. Yes, it's all here for you enjoyment and pleasure.

Our first night on the ocean was quiet and peace full. However the second night saw the ship bouncing off of 12.5 foot high swells. If you enjoy being rocked to sleep at night, (and all night), this was the place for you! We're seasoned sailors so this didn't bother us much. But taking a shower was another matter. Thankfully the builders of the ship were aware of this and installed numerous hand holders to keep you from flying out of the shower. Interesting experience.

Our first stop is Noumea, New Caledonia. The Island is a French possession, but the occupants are anything but French. Mostly of the Negro persuasion. Official language is French, but a lot of the tourist traps speak English and Japanese. The first thing you see when the ship docks is huge parking lots full of cars. You wonder how in hell they got here and why, seems like there are 3 cars for every person (90,000 people live here). Gasoline is 133.9 francs per litre. When I looked at one of the pumps from which a vehicle had just pulled away, the meter indicated that to fill it's tank cost 6050 francs! Is this our future in Canada? Even though it is a French possession they don't use Euros here. Instead they use the French Pacific franc as their currency. The exchange rate is 80 francs for 1 US $. You do the math. We took a tour of the city and saw many new condos going up all over the place. Our driver said that this building boom started about 10 years ago and is just amazing. However prices are not reasonable, a two bedroom, standard condo, away from the beach will set you back a minimum $1.2 million US. He says the locals can't afford them and all are being purchased by European buyers. Sound familiar to what's happening in Vancouver and the Asians buying them? Guess that's the future.

Our nest stop was the Ile Des Pins. The ship had to stay well out in the bay and they ferried us by tenders to the island. And what an Island it is! I don't think I have ever seen beaches like those that are here. We've travelled far and wide in our days, Cuba, Jamaica, Mexico, etc., etc., but I have never seen beaches like these anywhere. The sand is the colour and texture of wheat flour. But packed so hard it's like walking on a bed of green grass. Cool and soft under your feet. No pebbles or rocks to stub your toes on. The water in the lagoons is green and blue in colour and so clear you can see fish swimming way down under. Club Med wanted to build a resort here but the locals raised such a fuss they never did. And the trees – huge and magnificent. The Norfolk pine reaches a staggering height. Nothing comes even close to it in Canada. Alas, we were only allowed a brief visit to this tropical paradise, and I think this is about as close as you can get to paradise, before we had to return to the ship and continue our journey. At supper that evening a lot of the passengers felt the same way about our itinerary as I did. Forget the tourist traps of Noumea, where we spend 12 hours, and leave us here for at least that length of time

This evening we dined in the elegant and exclusive Pinnacle Grill Restaurant. Our travel agent, Lisa Turcotte of Uniglobe Priority Travel, Houston, BC., kindly provided us with a coupon that covered the additional charge of $20.00 per person to dine here. And it was worth it. We started out with the chilled jumbo prawns. Followed by the French Onion soup. For our main meal Carolyn ordered the fillet mignon steak (medium rare) while I ordered the lobster tail. Both were done to perfection. The vegetables we ordered came in their own separate dishes, hot and deliciously spiced. For our wine we chose a delicate Chardonnay from a vineyard in Washington state. Unfortunately the ship carries no wines from Canada, only the US, Australia and France. I will be making a suggestion on the comments questionnaire that they ask for at the end of our trip, that since the ship will be used on the Alaska run all summer, some thought should be given to have wines from BC available on board.

Our next stop is Port Vila on the Island of Vanuatu

We arrive here shortly after 10:00 am, on Friday, 23^rd April 2010. But we don't leave the ship until shortly after lunch. I don't know how my stomach would react if I ate the local food, and didn't want to find out the hard way. So we have our lunch on-board the ship and then take off for a tour around the area. The first thing we notice when we leave the air conditioned ship is how hot and humid it is here. The ship's thermometer says it is only 27 degrees, but it feels more like 37 degrees. And the humidity must be at least 100%. My T shirt becomes soaked with perspiration after only10 minutes on shore. We take a taxi into town ($3.00 US each), and it's like going back some 50 years in time. The town looks like what Jamaica looked like 40 years ago when we were there. The main street looks like it was laid out by a drunken sailor on shore leave. Twisting and turning every which way. And the traffic is unbelievable, one steady stream. Some of the vehicles look like they are held together with duc tape and bailing wire. There are no marked cross walks and you take your life in your hands when you attempt to cross the street. Rick Hanson would not be impressed with the sidewalks, when they exist. Broken cement, deep pot holes, uneven stairs, are only the beginning of a very interesting walk way.

The streets are in the same condition. And the garbage is unbelievable. It's everywhere. Empty plastic bags hang from bushes, fences, trees, etc. Discarded bottles, cans, shoes, you name it and it's all there. I don't believe that garbage collection is a priority here. Unemployment must be very high as groups of people are found loitering everywhere. The currency here is the Vanuatu Vatu, 90 for 1 US$. Foreign currency is not widely accepted (and this includes the mighty US$) only the taxi drivers accepted it. We went to a Internet Cafe and tried to rent some computer time to send some e-mails, but they would not accept the US currency and told us to go to the money changer down the street. We found another Internet cafe deep inside a small mall and they said they would accept US$. Unfortunately this establishment had some of the oldest computers I have seen. No USB ports on any of them, but they did have the old 3.5 diskette bays. But since I keep my files on one of those little USB thingies I was unable to send out any updates on our travels. May have to wait until we get to Hawaii before we can send them. This is one place I would not recommend as a holiday destination. There are no beaches here. 83 Islands are in the republic so perhaps there are places that may be quite beautiful, but not here. The “taxi” that took us back to the ship was an old 1970's vintage Dodge Fargo Van. The vinyl upholstery was ripped in many places, some holes were covered with duc tape, and when one of our fellow passengers went to sit on the bench it collapsed under him. I did manage to talk to a local man and ask him how electricity was produced here. They use two diesel generators, one is turned on for six hours in the morning and the second one runs for six hours in the evening. If they could afford them I think that solar panels would be a real god send here.

Lautoka, Fiji. Sunday, April 25^th, 2010, temp. 26 degrees, humidity 75% but this is hard to believe as it is raining quite heavily at the moment. Our first venture into Fiji, home of V.J.Singh, the #3 golfer in the world. 322 islands comprise the nation of Fiji. We are told that everything here closes on Sunday except the churches. Church attendance is compulsory, no excuses. But they didn't tell us what happens if you don't go to church, or are an ethicist. We hire a “taxi” and go exploring. Our driver is a very small Fijian, who smells like he hadn't taken a bath in months. But he speaks English and appears to be quite friendly. The “taxi” is another vintage mid sized station waggon, unfortunately I didn't get the make or model of the vehicle as the emblems were missing and the vehicle had recently been painted all white. There were no handles for lowering the windows, which I desperately wanted to do as it was quite hot and humid inside the vehicle. When I asked as to how to open the windows the driver produced a handle which when forced onto the mechanism allowed the window to be lowered. Ah, fresh air. Our little driver drove us around the area which proved to be quite interesting. We went to a place where the first Fijians landed around 1500 BC. The place now has a fancy resort and is quite attractive. At least here the grounds were well manicured and taken care of. As we drove around the country side I noticed the lack of garbage pick up, litter everywhere. Hate to tell anybody how they should live but this is bad. They should do more on educating the population as to how to dispose of their lighter. Dumping it in the ditches along the road side or in the creeks is unacceptable. We visited an “authentic” Fijian village and this area was meticulously clean. It should be, as it is now a protected area, a national heritage site. Their last president was born here and only died two years ago at the ripe old age of 92. The house he lived in is here, thatched roof and all. A very pretty setting. Our driver drove us through the town of Lautoka but since everything is closed on Sunday we didn't stop to do any “shopping”. We did see one of the biggest mosques I have ever seen. It would rival any cathedral in Europe. Soccer matches were just getting under way and I think our driver was anxious to attend. We hired him for 2 hours but he dropped us off at the ship 20 minutes short, and high balled it to the soccer fields. Ah tourists, we are such suckers!

April 27^th, 2010. We were supposed to visit the small island atoll of Dravuni, however it was cancelled due to inclement weather. Winds were gusting up to 45 knots an hour, with heavy rains. These conditions made it impossible to anchor in the atoll. Instead we head for Suva, the capital city of Fiji, arriving here shortly after 9:30 am. It is still raining but the winds have died down considerably. Carolyn's busy doing our laundry in the on-board laundry, and I am busy catching up on my correspondence and getting ready to go on shore.

Women here aren't the only ones enjoying the sensation of having a gentle breeze caressing their inner thighs. It is not unusual to see a smartly groomed gentleman in a white shirt and tie, wearing an ankle long black skirt! These are quite popular and a lot of men wear them. Wonder how this would go over in Canada if I started wearing a dress? My old boss, Insp. Mullock would probably suffer a cardiac arrest! On second thought Catholic priests, and others, have been wearing dresses for quite some time, so I guess it wouldn't be that strange after all. Our children may think I've lost it, but they think that now anyway.

Monday, April 26^th 2010 – this is no mistake, we have two Mondays, April 26^th, 2010 on this ship. We crossed the International date line hence the double Mondays. We lost an hour overnight, but gained a day in our lives. If you travelled around the globe from west to east, and kept gaining a day every time, how long would it take you to be 35 years of age again? You do the math.

We're at sea today. This gives me a great opportunity to sit on deck #3, the walking deck, jogging not allowed, and observe some of our fellow passengers. 3.5 times around the deck and you've walked one mile. There is “smiley” a rather tall gentleman who walks quickly with a constant grin on his face. When he exhales he exhales through his mouth and his lips flutter like a pair of butterflies. Next come the two “Germans” a man and women, who are on a mission. Heads down, arms pumping vigorously, marching step in step with each other. Stay out of their way. The “ballerina” comes floating by, seems to prefer walking on her toes, like something you may see in the “Nutcracker” play at Christmas. Than we have a jolly gentleman of enormous proportions, who appears to have lost the battle of the bulge a long time ago, but never the less is determined to loose some weight, goes huffing and puffing by. I am always glad to see him fearing that he may not make it the second time around. The “twins” appear, two elderly gentlemen, they look identical and always dress identical. I have seen them on a number of occasions through out the ship and they are always together and always dressed in identical clothing. Truly Amazing. Carolyn does her thing, but being just a normal walker I find nothing unusual about her. I could go on and on describing the various characters that pass me, but I think I've bored you long enough.

I am to meet Carolyn at the Lido outdoor swimming pool on deck 8 to witness our crossing of the International dateline. I am busy working on my computer in our air conditioned stateroom, trying to organize the 12,000 pictures I've taken so far, and forget all about the time. I usually only wear my underwear in our room. Suddenly it is 4 minutes to 3:00 pm. I pull on my T shirt, step into my sandals and go charging out of the room. I get about half way to the elevators when I realize that a most important part of my wardrobe is missing, no shorts. I make a hasty retreat back to the room. Fortunately the corridor was empty and no one witnessed that crazy old Canadian streaker.

At 3:00 pm there is a large gathering of people at the out door swimming pool. We are about to cross the International Dateline and in order to get your Certificate acknowledging this momentous occasion, you have to be swimming in the pool. This is physically impossible as the pool water is displaced by the massive number of humans trying to get in. And Carolyn is one of them. I on the other hand, go one deck higher and capture the moment on video. It is a lively gathering and the participants enjoy it immensely. The sun has come out and the ships thermometer indicates it is only 29 degrees. To me it feels more like 49 degrees, bloody hot and humid. After the festivities I quickly return to our stateroom where the air conditioning is set at the lowest possible setting and enjoy a cold beer.

At supper that evening Carolyn urges me to relate my experience of this afternoon to our fellow dinners. I do and all have a good laugh at my expense. After desert, the conversation around the table turns to the amount of junk e-mails we are all getting lately. I make a comment about all the offers I get for medications that promise to enlarge the male appendage. Carolyn pipes right up and says, “They must have seen you in your underwear”. Hardy-har-har – very funny.

Apia, Western Samoa, Tuesday, April, 27^th 2010. 7:00 am and it's 27 degrees already. And humid. And sunny. Bloody hell, it's going to be another “one of those days”. We leave the ship shortly after breakfast, and ignoring all those taxis waiting for their victims, decide to walk to town which is only about 15 minutes away. The first thing I notice is how clean this place is compared to our previous stops. The roads are clear of pot holes, well marked, and the sidewalks are clean and in very good condition. There are no discarded plastic bags hanging all over the place, no discarded bottles, cans, shoes, etc. Beautiful huge trees line the roads. Flowers and shrubs everywhere, meticulously trimmed lawns. What in hell happened here?

The second thing I notice is that a lot the traffic signs are on the “wrong” side of the street. In other words they all appear to be facing backwards. And that some vehicles have the drivers wheel on the “proper” side while others have them on the “wrong” side. But more on this later.

We reach the downtown area, which is noisy and busy and chocked by vehicles. The buses are very colourful and unique. Each is painted a different colour with large slogans painted on their sides. Again there are no doors. or windows. If you wish to get on one you merely step off the sidewalk and hail one. There are no regular marked bus stops. We are told that if the bus is full it is acceptable for you to sit on somebody's lap. Imagine the uproar this would cause in Canada. We'd have expensive public hearings. Maybe even a Royal Commission appointed to look into this matter. Here they take it all in stride.

We stop to rest on a bench located under a huge tree and offering some welcome relief from the relentless sun. A young Samoan male, probably in his late twenties or early 30's, and looking like I always imagined a young Samoan male should look like, dark skinned, heavy set with powerful looking arms and legs and wearing a long black pony tail (Mullock would have a double coronary by now), approaches us and offers to drive us around the area. At first I am sceptical, thinking about all our previous experiences with “taxis”, but he assures us that he is legally licensed and has a newer, air conditioned taxi. By this time the temp. is in the mid 30's so I relent and take him up on his offer. Miracle of miracles his taxi is a newer model 4 door Nissan. Everything is spotlessly clean, and everything works!!!!! We agree on a price of $20.00 US an hour for the two of us, and away we go. Our driver is very chatty, speaks English fluently, and is very knowledgeable about the area. He explains that when a tsunami hit this Island several years ago, a lot of nations send support, hence the improved roads and infrastructures. He also unravels the mystery of the backward facing traffic signs and the different locations of a cars steering wheel. In 2009 the government decided to change from driving on the “proper” side of the road (North American style) to driving on the “wrong” side of the road (Australian and most Asian countries style). This was aimed at allowing Samoans to purchase vehicles from Australia and Asia, which are much cheaper, than those produced in North America, which are much more expensive here. Makes for good sense.

Our first stop is at the home of Robert Louis Stevenson. It is an impressive estate, Stevenson didn't live the pauper's live here. The mansion is huge and well maintained. The grounds could support a small executive type golf course. We are given the opportunity to explore the grounds and all of it's wonders. There is a band of dancers and singers providing entertainment for all the garters and hawkers that have now arrived by bus load. We leave here and are taken for a tour around the area. All the homes that we drive by are well maintained and very clean. No garbage lying around anywhere. All garbage is bagged and placed on high platforms to keep the dogs from getting into it. Some are even caged so that the birds can't rip them apart. The other Islands should follow suit, if they can do it here, others could do it as well. Seems like the French Possession Islands are the worst offenders. Say it like it is, right?

We return to the city and are let off at a huge flea market. There are some excellent buys here of carved wooden bowls, statues, etc., etc. Lots of shirts and skirts – called lava lava – are hanging all over the place. I break down and buy a lava lava for myself (third coronary for Mullock) and a wrap around for Carolyn. We used American currency but are given Samoan currency in exchange. Must spend this before we leave so we buy post cards and stamps, leaving us with a $1.00 Samoan coin which I plan on keeping as a souvenir. While at the post office a huge, and I mean huge, Samoan policeman arrives on the scene. And you know what? He is wearing sandals and a lava lava as his official police uniform. (I think by now Mullock would certainly have lost it completely – a policeman in a skirt?). We return to the ship around 2:00 pm and spend the day lazing around the pool. One lady said that it was 36 degrees in town and I believe her, although on board the ship the official temp. Is reported to be only 32 degrees. This is no place for me, too damn hot.

Crossing the Equator - Thursday, 29^th April 2010. Cooled down a bit overnight and we are at only 27 degrees this morning. At 10:30 am we witness a ceremony long held sacred by all seamen, the crossing of the Equator. Only on this ship they call it “initiating the pollywogs” crew members for whom this is their first crossing of the Equator. King Neptune and his Queen preside over the ceremony. The “pollywogs” are roped together and kept in a cage. Once King Neptune delivers his acclamation they are taken from their cage and led before the King where they are made to lick a big, dead, and smelly fish. Apparently keel-hauling is no longer allowed. The crowd goes wild. The participants aren't as enthusiastic. I don't see any marking on the ocean telling us exactly where this Equator line is, however you can feel the ship picking up speed as we race downhill towards the Hawaiian Islands. By 1:00 pm the ships Captain announces that the temp. Is now a balmy 30 degrees, under a cloudless sky. Time for another cold one.

I wake up at 7:30 am to a bright, sunny, day. The mattress on the king sized bed is very comfortable and I am reluctant to get out of bed. Carolyn is still asleep but madly driving a bulldozer flattening mountains, you know the sound. Fortunately it is only 27 degrees this morning, with 75% humidity. The ocean is calm at the moment. I wash up, comb my hair, clean my teeth and go up to the Lido restaurant for a leisurely breakfast. V8 juice, a bowl of freshly sliced fruit, a custom made vegetarian omlette (onions, mushrooms, red and green peppers, black olives and cheese) by one of the chefs, a toasted English muffin and two cups of strong black coffee make up my breakfast.

Then it's off to the Digital Workshop, sponsored by Microsoft. A very knowledgeable young lady is our instructor. There are 24 workstations, all equipped with Fuji HD computers. Unfortunately there are at least twice that many students, so those coming in late will just have to stand against the wall and listen. I am one of the lucky ones and have my own computer to work on. Today session is on the new Windows 7 operating system. I am impressed by what I learn and may just purchase this new system.

If you're not interested in this Digital Workshop stuff there are numerous other activities available to you. Pilates, Quiz & Sudoku, The Art Of Napkin Folding, Pathway to Yoga, Exploration Speakers Series, such as on Things to see and do in Maui & Hawaii, Board Games, Bridge, Indoor Cycling, Mah Jong, Chess Lovers Get Together, Cooking With Confidence, $30 Sit and Go No Limit Texas Hold'em, etc., etc., etc., or you can sit on deck and enjoy the sunshine. By the time I get back to our stateroom the stewards have been here and the bed is made, the carpet vacuumed, the trash cans emptied, fresh ice in our beer bucket, and fresh towels etc. Our soap is replaced with a new bar, and the shampoo replaced with a new bottle. Like how much better can life get?

Before you know it it's lunch time. Today I have a light lunch and reluctantly skip the Polish sausage and sauerkraut. A very delicious beef vegetable soup with a fresh green garden salad is all I am having. Two glasses of iced tea and a small ice cream cone complete the meal. Then it's off to relax on the chaise lounge on deck 3, and read my book, which at the moment is Michael Crichton's “State of Fear”. This also gives me the opportunity to oogle those plump, well endowed, 70 year old hens who waddle by. But they are not the only distraction. Skinny 70 year old roosters in their speedoes slink past my line of vision as well. Quite a contrast. I spend several hours here and then go to meet Carolyn for our afternoon tea. Carolyn is up on the top deck sunbathing.

Around 5:00 pm I return to our stateroom to shower and shave and get ready for supper. Today is not a formal night, no shirt and tie required, only “smart casual” but this does not include tank tops nor speedoes. I start out with a chilled shrimp cocktail, followed by French onion soup, and for the main course I choose the Alaska King Crab legs. Dessert is pineapple cheesecake for me and “thinly sliced Granny Smith apples, delicately seasoned with ginger and sugar, baked in a delicate French pastry, and lightly sprinkled with cinnamon” for Carolyn. When it arrives it looks just like an ordinary piece of apple pie. Our wine tonight is a light California Chardonnay. You usually have a choice of five appetizers, 5 different soups or salads, five entrees and just as many deserts. And there is no limit as to how many you choose. And of course everything is prepared by top chefs and delivered to your table by efficient waiters. Now how much better is this than having to cook your meals when you're home? And no dishes to wash after either!!!!! Life after this will never be the same.

At the dinner table that evening we met a couple who will have been 80 days on-board this ship by the time they leave. They boarded the ship in Sydney, Australia, sailed around New Zealand and then Australia. Are now en route to the Hawaiian Islands, Vancouver and onto Alaska before returning to Vancouver and flying home. The man claims there are no better deals than these ships for a truly memorable holiday. I tend to agree with him.